I have a favorite song with the following lines in it:
Comes a light
Dawn is here
Dawn is here
- “Oh the Glory of It All” by David Crowder Band
This is where I find myself. My last post was rather bleak as I shared my struggles through the early newborn days and the subsequent “baby blues.” All of that is starting to fade, and a new dawn is starting to emerge. I am finding myself more hopeful than weepy, more confident than overwhelmed. Silas’ sleep is getting more organized and so are my hormones…both of which have made a huge difference on how I feel about life in general.
In the bigger picture of “our life,” other things are beginning to shift, too. Our sabbatical year officially started this month as Val shifted from his previous faculty position to a part-time hospitalist position. As he transitioned jobs, Val was able to be off for almost six full weeks, which he dedicated to serving our family as we added another person to the mix. He gave himself to making sure that each of us individually, and all of us as a whole, did well through all the transitions. He supported me as I wobbled in all the emotions and exhaustion of my post-partum, sleep-deprived days.
As a result of his presence and engagement of our family over those weeks, other things have begun shifting in the landscape of our family. As Val truly carried us as a family over the past six weeks, he began to see and have insight into things in our home and family that could shift for more wholeness and life for each of us. As he has seen these things, he is taking responsibility to lead us into health and rest and peace and wholeness. He is creatively thinking about what is best for each of us and is making plans to facilitate those things.
At the same time that he is having insight about our family and leading us into wholeness and rest, I am feeling my heart transform from a heart that tries so hard to hold everything together into a heart that truly trusts Jesus to hold everything together. I am feeling myself beginning to slowly release my intense need to get everything right, to measure up to others’ expectations (real or perceived)…and even to begin to release my own desire to meet a certain internal “standard” of what it means to be a woman, wife, and mom. I am surprised by how much I still live life “trying to measure up” when I’ve already been given such incredible grace and freedom through Christ.
It is in this combination of Val’s creative leadership toward wholeness and life and my release of control and measuring up that we are finding a changing landscape in our family. At Val’s suggestion, I am beginning to entertain new ideas about how to approach our life differently than I have in the past. My thinking about daily life, home, chores, responsibilities, schooling, kids, spiritual gifts, eternity, and the Kingdom is beginning to expand and adjust and shift...making room for God to begin to speak and move anything in our life according to His story the He would like to write with our lives. My agenda is beginning to be minimized as I open my mind and heart to whatever, wherever, and however He may lead us through this next season.
It is an exciting season in our family. It’s as though we are moving out of a place characterized by one type of landscape and into a new place with an unfamiliar but beautiful landscape. As we continue on into this new place, the fullness of that landscape will only develop even more as we walk out this Sabbath year. I am excited and hopeful to see what unfolds in this new changing landscape ahead of us.